Life in the Conflict Zone

October 15, 2009

Final Reflection

To start with, it is unbelievable how I was able to learn that much from writing 5 journal entries. I have been identifying, describing/explaining, discussing, and reflecting throughout the process of this assessment task. From the given guiding questions, I was able to step-by-step distinguish in how to recognize a conflict. Furthermore, I'm now more open-minded in knowing how I may use various methods in solving a conflict. Therefore, this topic has given me an opportunity to know more about myself and in what ways I may help the community in the future when conflicts are taken place between friends, workers, etc.

Journal Entry #5 - Skills, skills and more skills!

Self Conflict - October 11th, 2009 (Sunday)

This is my last journal entr and so I would love to discuss about some conflicts I had within myself. In other words, unlimited thoughts and personal judgements that I have are a kind of conflict where I'm giving myself a chance in damaging myself.

(a) Describe the conflict:

I'm the kind of person that have many many wants and would be dreaming all the time in things that I absolutely want to have. Hence, it is creating a sense in me that I'm not good enough to get what I want. For instance, if I adore a certain idol and he/she is someone that I look upon to. I would usually think that I should become her, so in a way that I would be admired by my friends. As a result, I'm nudging myself to become someone else and not myself. Therefore, I'm putting pressure in myself all the time and so I do feel dreadful when I'm not meeting the expectations for my close ones and others out there.

(b) Identify and explain the surface and core issues of the conflict:

- Do speak about what I not have and regret

- Dreaming and not experiencing in the real world
- Thinking about uncertainty and always use "if"

- Not expressing my true self

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(c) How would you resolve the conflict:

- Remind myself that I should live with what I have
- Stop the habit in dreaming and start to work and keep it going

- Be myself (Never be fooled by lying myself in who I am)
- Be what I want to become, ignore what people are saying about me
- Be responsible at all times
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I'm the one to decide who I want to become and it is crucial that I make appropriate choices.
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Journal Entry #4 - Family is like Fudge?

Family conflict - September, 2009

Conflict can happen when family members have different views or beliefs that clash. Sometimes conflict can occur when people misunderstand each other and jump to the wrong conclusion. It is normal to disagree with each other from time to time. Occasional conflict is part of family life. However, ongoing conflict can be stressful and damaging to relationships. My sister and I find it difficult to manage our feelings and become intentionally hurtful, aggressive or even violent.

(a) Describe the conflict:

My dad and mom are fine. My sister and I are like magnets. It does seem that my family is in a pretty good state. NOT. We do have conflicts almost every single day. Those conflicts are usually the ones started by either me or my sister. We argue over things that are small and it can be kept away from the yelling and shouting from happening. However, we are really "big mouth" people. Correct, I do think before I act, but my sister doesn't and vise versa. Small fights in not helping to answer the phone or lazy in not helping the other person to get the remote control are examples in which conflict will take place.

(b) Identify and explain the surface and core issues of the conflict:

Both of us seem to bristle at the slightest problem and appear eager for a fight most of the time. Personally, I think the core issue of why we act in this kind of way is that the stress and pressure we get from school and from home. Moreover, now that we are teengers, we do have mood swings to a degree in which things will go in a wrong approach. Pushing for independence is also another reason where we develop our own beliefs and values. Therefore, if I just simply wanted my sister to answer the phone for me, she might think I'm being immature because I'm not picking the phone myself. We think differently, and so we often do get into arguments or even a slight of violent behavior can be seen because no one is willing to lose.

1. Keep in mind that my sister has a completely different persepective in things and different motivators

2. Learn to read her signals (E.g. Is she having a "sudden" bad morning or day)

3. Better answer the phone myself!

Journal Entry #3 - Teamwork = Oh no!

Conflict in Teamwork - Year 2007

Teamwork is something that I always don't look forward to. As you may know, a team is made up of individuals. In other words, a conflict will occur anytime because everyone has DIFFERENT opinions to a certain idea. Throughout these years in highschool, I have bumped into many cases where I cried and some teammates got mad, and a whole lot more of various issues that are uncountable. Even though, these are hard times where I really do have to strengthen myself to deal with them because it is something that I can't avoid, teamwork is still something that I do struggle with. Consequently, I'm ready in sharing you all a story that happened in a Seventh Grade English Class. It is a memory in which I can't get rid out of my mind for many years because it is like a stain that can't be rubbed off.

(a) Describe the conflict

(b) Identify and explain the surface and core issues of the conflict

(a) There are four people included in this conflict but it focused muchly on one of the member, Beth* and myself. It is a very complicated kind of conflict in which I had problems in explaining it to my subject teacher. To be honest, I was the one who solved the conflict at the end. The teacher wasn't able to work out the way. Nevertheless, she was a good listener and showing support when I was giving my explanation of what was happening and so on. Let's get started, we were to create a society of our own and designing stuff that we would love to have in our community. There were many small tasks that should be assigned to each of the member accordingly. Therefore, the day when we all separated the roles to the members, we were all clear who got this job and that he or she was to finish it ON TIME.

When it was the day to perform and present it to the class, Beth was not able to finish her task and so she needed me to complete it for her in a limited amount of time. The other two members weren't aware of what was happening because they were listening to other groups presenting. I worked really hard in my parts and I was already worn out, but I wasn't able to talk or even whisper, since the whole room was in silence, nobody was making a sound or anything because a group was doing their presentation. As a result, I scribbled down whatever I was able to think of at the tip of my head. It is obvious that she wasn't being reponsible. I was really frustrated and because I wasn't able to let my feelings out, I cried. Thus, the teacher saw me and so she called me out to have a talk. For that reason, Beth was feeling a little uneasy and so she was trying to say that she didn't do anything wrong.

(b) The surface issue of the conflict is that Beth hasn't finished her part on time and she has in mind that it is someone else's fault. She isn't feeling a bit wretched at all from studying her actions to the team and myself, and therefore frustration and the sign of me crying are certainly the roadblocks in resolving the conflict, as it notifies her that I'm not strong enough and frustration is simply blocking me from solving the problem because I'm in an aggressive mood. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be working out the conflict with much confidence.

Beth's perspective:

She is wrong, and I'm not.

My perspective:

I should care in knowing how she thinks of the conflict, not just myself.

(c) Dealing with this kind of person, I definitely wouldn't bother to let her feel that I'm losing self-assurance. I would make sure that I'm getting myself back together first because it is significant to have full confidence in myself so that I may stand tall and not looking like a crushed person. I might let her know that she shouldn't be acting in that kind of manner. She is to learn how to look at a problem from someone's else's perspective. Moreoever, less complaining will do the work. I could have waited for a couple of days after the conflict, and then start slowing communicating with her with a proper tone and putting a smile on my face might as well do the job. Even though, it does sound kind of unfair of having me to do all those work, I'm the one who has got to learn from experience and not letting myself falling behind.

NEVER

let

frustration

own me!

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*Beth - A made up name

Journal Entry #2 - A Falling Out w/ My Best Friend

Friendship Troubles - January 10th, 2006 (Tuesday)

Back in Fifth Grade, I met my very first best friend and she goes by the name of Michelle Wong. I'm not going to get into details of how we became really good friends, but in how we had a conflict when we were in Sixth Grade. I wasn't perfectly sure who was the one who did things wrong at the first place. Nonetheless, I do have to point out that I had said and done something that made her upset, and I was somewhat being cold to her at school.

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From the handout[1] we were to go through ourselves at home has given me a time to reflect in why a conflict had taken place between my best friend, michelle and I.

There are e-mails typed by both of us in the past in which we were telling how we were upsetting each other. Yet, no one had stated to be forgiving the other person. Each e-mail was in fact quite short. It can be elucidated that both were not using the appropriate style in handling the conflict, we were just making the situation worse.

(a) Describe the conflict:

From the diagram above, it illustrates how the conflict established. First of all, I got mad over Christina in "stealing" my best friend away from me, and I hadn't spent time with Michelle as much as Christina had with her. Morever, the sitting arrangement that was made by our homeroom teacher had set us quite far apart, and Natalie was the one who sat next right to me, and Christina sat next to Michelle. Therefore, Natalie and I got to know more about each other and that was why I started hanging out with her a lot more. Lydia was the person who set my best friend and I apart because she was literally taking benefits from both sides. However, I wasn't able to interpret that when the conflict took place.

(b) Identify and explain the surface and core issues of the conflict:

Michelle and I were concerned seeing each other as the problem or the cause of the problem and we devoted all our time, effort, and energy into blaming and attacking each other for it. A lack of clear, direct, and respectful communication between the two of us was also another issue of the conflict, and so an atmosphere of fear and anger made listening and constructive speaking more difficult. As a result, we weren't trying to approach the conflict cooperatively from the start.

(c) How would you resolve the conflict:
Using a principled response to conflict will preserve relationships. Thus, both of us will be face to face talking to one another in working out to find the solution of the conflict will be an effective way. Besides, both of us do like to write letters to each other and so I could have been the one writing a letter in explaining how I feel and that I do care in knowing what she was thinking too and all that. Arguing isn't the way in solving a conflict, it will just get harder in getting the conflict solved. Hence, communication and putting my feelings in writing are both useful in resolving the conflict.

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[1] The handout - Conflict Resolution Reading

October 05, 2009

Journal Entry #1 - Keep Quiet?

Sibling Conflict: October 3rd, 2009 (Saturday)

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Sibling conflict is inevitable and there are many reasons behind it. First thing first, I have a twin sister, and we do treasure each other and count on one another a lot. Nevertheless, we do have disagreements from time to time. Therefore, I would be sharing one of my conflicts that I had with my sister during this past week. So here it goes...

Whoever gets bored. he or she will be trying to get your attention and that is when a conflict may arise. Hence, that was exactly the reason why a conflict had occurred between my sister and I because she was bored. This may sound silly but please don't get me wrong. My sister was getting on my nerves when she started making silly noises. Right, everyone has these moments when he or she is in boredom. However, I was not able to control myself from shouting at her and yelled out something close to this, "Shut up, You!" I have to admit that I wasn't smart-headed enough to control myself, and I realized that she was literally "controlling" me. This is a very usual conflict that can be happened between many siblings out there, but now that I have given the chance to share my personal conflict, I would be:

(a) - Describing the conflict

(b) - Identifying and explaining the surface and core issues of the conflict
(c) - Suggesting the methods to resolve the conflict
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(a) To start with, the conflict I had between my sister will be categorized into the Interpersonal Stage[1] because it was a conflict among two or more individuals. Moreover, it can be identified that it is a small conflict, but if one of us was not able to control ourselves then it can get to a level where violence may take place.

(b) The core issue of the conflict was that my sister was using a way in expressing her feelings that I don't like and I felt disturbed. In addition, I was the one who didn't realize that she was actually seeking for a need in someone to talk to. For that reason, I was not concerned with hearing the reasons for why my sister was making those noises. It can be determined that there is usually a reason in behind something that is happening. Therefore, I should have asked myself questions in why she is doing something like that. Perhaps questions like - What does she want? Do I know why she wants that?

1. Being a listener: becoming a listerner to somebody is a method which can used because my sister was making noises, so there must have been a reason behind it. As a matter of fact, I should have asked her why she was doing that, and being a good listener and see what she has to tell me. Consequently, it shows that I do care about her and that she is someone that I treasure.

2. Imagination: Sisters are friends in a way. In my case, I might have came up with jokes and have fun with her making silly noises togetheer. Even though, when I'm irritated or not in the mood in doing so, it is significant that we are to show support to one another.

3. Communication: Communication is always an useful and essential method in dealing with a conflict. We are to talk through the problem together and respect each other's point of view. As a result, communication is a way for both of us to understand another person's perspective, and to make a final decision in how we should solve the conflict appropriately.