Journal Entry #2 - A Falling Out w/ My Best Friend

Friendship Troubles - January 10th, 2006 (Tuesday)
Back in Fifth Grade, I met my very first best friend and she goes by the name of Michelle Wong. I'm not going to get into details of how we became really good friends, but in how we had a conflict when we were in Sixth Grade. I wasn't perfectly sure who was the one who did things wrong at the first place. Nonetheless, I do have to point out that I had said and done something that made her upset, and I was somewhat being cold to her at school.

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From the handout[1] we were to go through ourselves at home has given me a time to reflect in why a conflict had taken place between my best friend, michelle and I.

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There are e-mails typed by both of us in the past in which we were telling how we were upsetting each other. Yet, no one had stated to be forgiving the other person. Each e-mail was in fact quite short. It can be elucidated that both were not using the appropriate style in handling the conflict, we were just making the situation worse.

(a) Describe the conflict:

From the diagram above, it illustrates how the conflict established. First of all, I got mad over Christina in "stealing" my best friend away from me, and I hadn't spent time with Michelle as much as Christina had with her. Morever, the sitting arrangement that was made by our homeroom teacher had set us quite far apart, and Natalie was the one who sat next right to me, and Christina sat next to Michelle. Therefore, Natalie and I got to know more about each other and that was why I started hanging out with her a lot more. Lydia was the person who set my best friend and I apart because she was literally taking benefits from both sides. However, I wasn't able to interpret that when the conflict took place.

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(b) Identify and explain the surface and core issues of the conflict:

Michelle and I were concerned seeing each other as the problem or the cause of the problem and we devoted all our time, effort, and energy into blaming and attacking each other for it. A lack of clear, direct, and respectful communication between the two of us was also another issue of the conflict, and so an atmosphere of fear and anger made listening and constructive speaking more difficult. As a result, we weren't trying to approach the conflict cooperatively from the start.

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(c) How would you resolve the conflict:
Using a principled response to conflict will preserve relationships. Thus, both of us will be face to face talking to one another in working out to find the solution of the conflict will be an effective way. Besides, both of us do like to write letters to each other and so I could have been the one writing a letter in explaining how I feel and that I do care in knowing what she was thinking too and all that. Arguing isn't the way in solving a conflict, it will just get harder in getting the conflict solved. Hence, communication and putting my feelings in writing are both useful in resolving the conflict.

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[1] The handout - Conflict Resolution Reading